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Today, I asked my parents to sign for me to enlist in the military. They asked me how much money the government gives them if I die. FML
今天,我拜托我父母帮我报名加入军队。结果他们问我的是如果我死了,政府能补贴多少钱。FML
Today, I went over to surprise my girlfriend of two years with flowers and dinner at her apartment. After i knocked, a handsome young man answered the door. Thinking I had the wrong apartment, I apologized only to hear my girlfriend’s voice call from the background: “Baby, who’s there?” FML
今天,拿着鲜花和晚餐,打算给我认识了两年的女友一个惊喜。我敲了敲她公寓的们——然后一个英俊的年轻男人打开了门。我以为我敲错了门,道了歉转身准备离开的时候,我听到了我女朋友的声音——“宝贝,门口的是谁?”FML
Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend at his college and when I walked into the dorm he was lying in his bed with another girl. When he saw me he simply said, “April Fool’s!” It’s March 19th. FML
今天,我打算给我上大学的男友一个惊喜。我走进了他的宿舍,发现他和另一个女的躺在床上。他看见了我,说了句:“愚人节快乐!”那天是3月19号。FML
Today, my friends approached me and accused me of being anorexic cause i’ve dropped a lot of weight lately. I swore to them that i wasn’t anorexic. They jokingly asked “Do you have cancer or something?” All i could do was stare at my feet. That wasn’t exactly how i wanted them to find out. FML
今天,我的朋友怀疑我得了厌食症因为我最近掉了很多秤。我对他们发誓说我没得厌食症。他们开玩笑说:“那你是得了癌症什么的吗?”我除了盯着我的脚不知道以外不知道该如何反应——我并没指望他们以这种形式发现我得了癌症。FML
Today, I was fingering my girlfriend. When suddenly she started crying at the peak of her orgasm, when I asked what was wrong, she replied. “I-I-I MISS HIM!” She was crying about her ex boyfriend. While I was inside her. FML
今天,我在用手指X女友。她在高潮顶点的时候突然哭了起来。我问她发生了什么事,她回答说:“我——我——我——我想他!!”她是为了她的前男友在哭。我当时还在她体内。FML
Today, I sent an email to my best friend, telling him that I’m gay. When I was typing the email address in the “to:” field, it autocorrected the address to my mother. She just responded: “you filthy faggot”. FML
今天,我发了封邮件给我最好的朋友,告诉他我是同志。当我在输入“发送到:”那一栏的时候,系统给我自动更正成了我妈的邮件地址。她只回复了一句:“你这肮脏的蛆虫。”FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex. I was a virgin and he wasn’t. About 30 seconds in he collapsed on me. I thought he was joking around and I started laughing. He wasn’t joking. He was done. FML
今天,我男友和我决定*做的事。我是CN,他不是。30秒以后,他倒在了我的身上。我以为他在开玩笑,就笑了几声。他没在开玩笑。他干完了。FML
Today, my tampon string was hanging from my bathing suit. My boyfriend thought it was a thread hanging from my bikini bottom. He publicly pulled out my tampon. FML
今天,我卫生棉在我的泳装旁边露出了一点点。我男友以为那是我比基尼多余的线头。于是乎他在大庭广众之下把我的卫生棉拉了出来。FML
Today, I texted my boyfriend of 6 months saying that I was in the mood, and that I was in bed, and naked. He texted back saying “U got fingers, use them, im going to bed xoxo”. FML
今天,我给我6个月的男友发了条短信说我很想要,而且我躺在床上光着身子。他回了封信说:“你长了手指头,用它们,我去睡觉了亲爱的”。FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. After what seemed like an eternity of waiting, he finally entered me, then paused and asked me, “what do I do now?” FML
今天,我男友和我第一次OOXX。在等待了非常长的一段时间之后,他终于进来了。这时他停了下来,问道——“好了,现在我该怎么办?”FML
Today, I got a phone call saying I was no longer a bridesmaid for a wedding in June. It’s my mom’s 4th wedding. I’m getting replaced by our dog. FML
今天,我接到电话说我不再是6月份婚礼的伴娘了。那婚礼是我妈的第四次婚礼。当她伴娘的将会是我家的狗。FML
Today, I opened my mail to find my Brown acceptance letter. Excited, I showed my dad who just laughed and said ‘what, it’s not like it’s Harvard’. No one in my family has ever gone to college. My dad didn’t even graduate from high school. FML
今天,我打开了邮箱发现我被布朗大学(美国常春藤盟校之一)录取了。我兴奋地告诉了我爸,他笑笑说:“啥啊,又不是哈佛。”我家里人除了我没人上过大学。我爸甚至高中都没毕业。FML
Today, I heard my boyfriend of 3 months talking with his friend, not knowing I could hear them. “Tonight’s the night,” my boyfriend says. “I’m finally going to tell her I love her!” I got really excited, deciding i loved him too. Then his friend says, “Awesome! But what about Kayla?” I’m Kayla. FML
今天,我听到了我交往3个月的男友和他的朋友聊天,它们不知道我能听到他们。“就是今晚了”,我男友说,“我要告诉她,我爱她!!”我非常兴奋,感觉我也非常爱他。然后他的朋友就说:“太好了。可是,凯拉怎么办?”我就是凯拉。FML
Today, it’s my birthday. I have gotten three calls all day. The first one was my fiancee, saying he wanted his ring back. The second one was my best friend, confessing to me that she had been sleeping with my fiancee for the past three months. The third was the dentist’s office singing me a happy birthday. FML
今天是我生日。我一整天只接到三个电话。第一个是我的未婚夫,说他要把订婚戒指拿回去。第二个是我最好的朋友,向我坦白说过去三个月来她一直和我的未婚夫行为不轨。第三个是我牙医的办公室,给我唱《祝你生日快乐》。FML
Today, after work I went to the parking lot to my car to go home. I found my car doors heavily scratched and all my tires cut, with a note on my windshield. The note read, “F*** you, Jackson. Don’t f*** with me.” I’m Tyler, Jackson is my co-worker. FML
今天,下班以后,我去停车场准备开车回家。我发现我的车的门被划伤得很厉害,我所有的车胎都被扎了。挡风玻璃上留着一张字条写着:“草NM,杰克逊。别耍老子。”我是泰勒。杰克逊是我同事。FML
Today, I came home to find my mum on the phone to the doctor. When she hung up I asked what had happened. She said they found a sexually transmitted disease in my bloodtest, and then she began to call me a slut. I’m 14, and am still a virgin. After 5 mins of crying, she tells me she was joking. FML
今天,我回到家,我妈在给医生挂电话。我问她怎么了。她说医生在我的血检里面发现了一种性病,然后她说我是个婊子。我14岁而且还是处。大哭了5分钟以后,她告诉我说她只是在开玩笑。FML
Today, my son looked out of the window and said “what’s that piece of shit doing on our driveway?” It was the new car we were trying to surprise him with on his 16th birthday. FML
今天,我儿子望向窗户以外问道:“在车库门前停着的那坨垃圾是毛?”那是我打算送给他的,他16岁生日的新车。FML
Today, a 7 year old girl randomly came up to me and told me to f*** myself. I told her to watch her language or else I’d tell her parents. Her mom happened to be nearby and actually heard this conversation, she came up to me and told me to f*** myself as well. FML
今天,一个7岁的陌生小女孩突然走向我,跟我说“滚泥马。”我告诉她注意自己的口气,否则我就告诉她父母。她妈妈就在附近,而且她恰好听到了了我们的对话。于是她突然走向了也我跟我说了句“滚泥马”。FML
Today, I texted my boyfriend to see if he wanted to finally have sex today. His response was “Can’t, Platinum just came out.” I didn’t know what that meant so I searched “Platinum 3-22-2009″ on . I found out he’s talking about a new Pokemon game. FML
今天,我发短信给我的男友,问他到底想不想今天来亲热。他的回复是“不行,白金今天出。”我一开始没听懂,于是我去搜索了一下“白金,2009年3月22号”。结果我发现他是在说最新的口袋妖怪游戏。FML
Today, for the first time ever, a woman saw my penis. I am 30 years old. The woman was my doctor. She snorted to cover a laugh and apologized. FML
今天,我人生的第一次——让一个女人看到了我的JJ。我30了。那女的是我的医生。她打了个鼾来盖住她的大笑声,然后道了道歉。FML
Today, I turned 18. Nothing was said at breakfast, but I figured they’d remember and we’d have cake at night. I came home and there was cake, but not for me. My sister got her period for the first time during the day and they were celebrating. Apparently, a vaginal discharge was more important. FML
今天,我18岁了。早餐的时候没人吱一声,但是我想他们会记住,晚上我就有蛋糕吃了。我晚上回家看到了一个蛋糕——但是不是给我的。他们是在庆祝我的妹妹第一次月经来潮。很明显,他们认为一次生理反应比我的18岁生日更重要。FML
Today, I saw the blueprints for my family’s new house. My room is half the size of the room next to it. The room next to it is my step mom’s walk-in closet. FML
今天,我看到了我家新房子的图纸。我的屋子是旁边那个屋子大小的一半。“那个屋子”是我继母的大衣橱。FML
Today, I was feeling sick and having trouble breathing easily. I decided to take a nap and apparently ended up sleeping with my mouth wide open since breathing was an issue. I woke up to my boyfriend trying to put his penis in my mouth. FML
今天,我感觉有点病了,呼吸很不舒畅。我决定打个盹,嘴巴大张着因为呼吸很困难。我醒来的时候,发现我男友试图把他的那个放到我嘴里。FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. All of a sudden he jumped off of me, going “shit, shit!”. Worried, i asked him what was wrong. He shouted “I forgot to set my TiVO!” FML
今天,我在和我男朋友OOXX。突然,他从我身上跳下来,大喊:“该死,该死!”我很着急,问他怎么了。他大吼:“我忘了设定TiVO了!”(一种电视录像装置). FML
Today, I went to meet my girlfriends parents for the first time. I accidently drove past their house the first time, but saw the whole family outside waiting to meet me. I pulled a U-Turn and heard a thud. The whole family watched me run over their dog. FML
今天,我第一次去看我女朋友的父母。我第一次不小心开过头了,但是看到了他们全家在外面等我。我调了个头,然后就听到了砰的一声。他们全家的人看着我压扁了他们的狗。FML
【FML】Fuck My Life 本文链接地址:wordpress/4065
看来看去更像是笑话- – 不真实
煎蛋上面有很多翻译..我都去那里看…
顺便回LS真的是真的…..你可以去原网址看看